I’m depressed…really and truly depressed, which if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you will clearly be saying, “It’s about damn time.” Normally, my depression comes in spurts, the longest lasting from mid-September to May. It didn’t show up until this weekend. It didn’t show up until sometime between reading that maybe I have a problem with certain things (i.e. being on upcoming too much for fanlistings), being told I’m “retired”, being asked what makes me happy (this always makes me cry), etc. I’m not blaming any of these people. It isn’t their fault. It’s no one’s fault. It is what it is. It’s a fact of life that every year, during what is ironically my favorite time of year, I go into a deep depression. The lesser my depression was in previous years, the deeper it is the next year. I was mildly depressed last year…I know, if you’ve read my entries, you’ll point to the times I wanted to kill myself and say something about this isn’t mild…for me it is.
I’m going to close my upcoming fanlistings. They’re subject I really would love to run fanlistings for, but I just can’t bring myself to work on them. I don’t want to do a half-ass job (which I’m sure some would argue that I do on other fanlistings), so I figure I better close them. So, if you’re interested in the following fanlistings, they’re about to be available:
Alicia Silverstone, Charlie Daniels: The Devil Went Down to Georgia, Computers: Dell XPS, Deborah Ann Woll, Gill (nothingbutsong.org), Harry Potter series: [+] Muggle-borns, Iron & Wine: Love Vigilantes, Iron & Wine: Resurrection Fern, Jenn (jenn.nu), Linda Cardellini, Robert Pattinson: Never Think, Sean Kingston: Fire Burning, Taylor Lautner/Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart, Tristan + Isolde: Tristan, Twilight series: [+] Witnesses, and Vampire Diaries: 1.01 – Pilot (which I almost have done…but I just can’t finish it now).
If anyone opens fanlistings for them (which you definitely should), please let me know and I will join. I’ll also try to make some codes or something for them.
I’m exhausted, even though I slept ALL day yesterday. I slept from 11 AM until 3 AM, and then again from 6 AM until 9 AM. I’m always tired lately. I’m always sick, I’m always in pain, and I’m always tired. And heaven forbid I complain, because then I get to hear about how shitty everyone else has it. I can’t eat anything anymore and enjoy it. Nothing tastes right and half the stuff I eat makes me sick. I can’t take any pills anymore without reacting. I’m even reacting to my Effexor, but I haven’t stopped taking it yet. That’s the only medicine I’m still taking. No Risperdal. I rarely take my nasal spray. I can’t take any kind of antibiotic to get rid of the wonderful sinus infection that has been plaguing me for a while. I’ve had a migraine since I quit taking migraine medicine. I can’t take anything for it.