This afternoon, I called the UAB Health Center to arrange for a new family medicine practitioner. I told the receptionist the basics of my issues…okay, so I just said, “muscle weakness”. She told me she’d get me in “as soon as possible”, which I figured might be 4 weeks. (Becoming established with them again after a few years away can mean a 6 week delay in getting an appointment.) She got me scheduled for an appointment for the 14th of October. That’s not too far away, all things considered.
I might feel better by then, but chances are, my body won’t. I’ve been feeling gradually worse as each day passes. It may be partially due to the seasons changing. A lot of my problems are seasonal, and get worse this time of year. It’s weird to have a kind of seasonal schizoaffective disorder. I’ve heard of seasonal affective disorder, but not seasonal schizoaffective. I guess anything is possible.
I ran out of Effexor this morning. I need to call the Mental Health Center to beg for an appointment with the nurse for med check. That way I can get a prescription for it. Of course, it’ll probably be a few weeks. If my mom were without pills, I would be expected to share with her. With me without them, my mom is not sharing any with me.
She and I had a bit of an argument this evening. I pointed out that she has a tendency to marginalize my problems. I told her that I know more about her back problems and my dad’s current obsession with Dark Orbit than either of them know about anything that is going on with me. I mean, my back hurt for years, but I didn’t tell her until this year because I knew my problems would be seen as less significant. Then, a few months after (about 3 weeks ago) I told her about it, she and I were in Wal-Mart. She wanted to walk all over the store, and go back and forth across it, and my back was just in too much pain. So I complained, and she said, “My back hurts worse than yours.” Now, I get that she might feel that way, and it’s possible that it’s true. The thing is that I don’t know how her back feels and she doesn’t know how mine feels. I’ve tried to explain the pain before, but every time I start to explain how I feel or I start to complain, she has to tell me how she’s suffering worse. It really makes me feel insignificant. So, we had our argument tonight, and I said that I hadn’t wanted to talk to her today because she kept seeming argumentative. She asked me why I wouldn’t stop talking to her, then. I told her because she was the only person I had access to to talk to, and she started to tell me to go to YSA stuff. I pointed out that I tend to get treated like shit when I go there, and that I’m not a big fan of being treated like shit. She, then, suggests I go back to Institute and try to avoid hanging out afterwords to get away from the ignorance. I point out that I encounter a lot of ignorance at the hands of the Institute teacher (the one who suggested that questioning the Church was tantamount to being a gangrenous infection that needed to be cut-off). She then starts suggesting other churches. Maybe I don’t want to be around religious people. A lot of religious people in this area tend to be of the opinion that being conservative is the uber shit and being liberal is basically a condition of idiots who will never know the love of God unless they repent of their evil secular ways.