Ten reasons gay marriage is not legal:









1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

is this supposed to be some kind of fucking joke?

…but people didn’t choose to be gay. Do you think they really wanted to be gay? NO. and in number 9, i believe that many children succeed even if they were raised by a single parent. If ever this is a joke, i’m sorry but it’s not funny. Kthanks.

lol sarcasm FTW. go back and read it if you didnt get it the first time kids.

Apparently, sarcasm is dead. Which is a shame because this is brilliant.

Wait, what? People actually thought this was for real? I mean, the first one makes it pretty obvious that it’s just satire.

Regardless, I laugh every time I read it. Just like that amusing Facebook group “Gay Marriage Killed the Dinosaurs.” Ha.

lol…awesome.  This reminds me of when my friends told me that people have to choose to be gay because if it were natural, then they would have gay parents.  (They WERE serious.)  I thought that was interesting since a lot of people are different from their parents.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.