For Whom Do I Devote an Entry 1

Jail Tat Guy
I don’t know whether to include Jail Tat Guy in my entries because he claims he doesn’t actually live in this neighborhood. Jail Tat Guy claims that his mother is the one living in the house that is actually owned by a wonderful former neighbor who happened to be the Bail Bondsperson who let Jail Tat Guy out of jail. He thanked her by leaving the area and causing her some issues with the bond. He has apparently since paid his debt to society, as is evident by his collection of jail tattoos.

Jail Tat Guy is pretty nice, I guess. He mowed our lawn a few months ago when no one else was able and our lawn was relatively high. Of course, he did this wonderful favor for $60 and didn’t manage to finish nor did he come back and Weed Eat when he claimed he would.

Pimp My Ride Family
These people are always getting some pretty interesting vehicles and, well, pimping them out. They typically do this with trucks and paint them all kinds of colors with interesting types of trim. (If you’ve read SVM books, you know how Jason Stackhouse supposedly has the black truck with the swirls? Well, for a while, so did they.) These people are absolute sweethearts, and one of the few families that don’t run away screaming when the dogs see them. They understand that our dogs, who will bark at anyone, love just about anyone…except of course Satan’s Spawn. (There have been incidents with SS where he was yelling at us, and Molly has nearly attacked him. Never piss off a dog by yelling at her person.)

The Kid Who Has Parents That Hate the World
Huntsville has a lovely baseball franchise known as the Huntsville Stars. As most franchises do, they have their special days where they give away stuff to kids. Isn’t that sweet? Well, someone in their office decided it would be a good idea to give children these lovely little noise devices that make the sound of like an elephant or…well, do beached whales make sounds, anyway…it’s a sound that is both loud and annoying. Parents, of course, hate this noise and choose to either take away the toy or send the children out into the neighborhood to make the noise as loud as possible.

We have one of those neighbors somewhere in this vast neighborhood that decided to do the latter. And to make sure that the noise is heard by all, they put their beloved child on a bicycle so he could get around the neighborhood spreading their lovely joy with all of us. It’s just one of those experiences that if you’ve never been through it, you should realize that you are truly one of the most lucky individuals in the world. Clearly, his parents are antisocial people who wish to cause the neighborhood harm.

The Ambiguously Gay Duo
Now, I do not know for a fact that the two men who have lived together in our neighborhood for the past 10 years or so on a different street are gay. My dad claims they are. I do not actually know these men and I have never seen them in any amorous positions, so it is entirely possible that they are just two men living together in a house.

The duo is known around the neighborhood for decorating for every holiday. Not all of the holidays are ones that I even knew existed, but they make sure to celebrate them. I always love going by their house because you can tell that these are two men who care about what’s going on and how to make people experience happiness. I have a feeling that I would like the duo.

The only thing I don’t understand is a recent development in the duo’s house. They have a garage (as do most houses in the newer parts of our neighborhood [I live in one of the houses from the 70’s–most people featured in these stories live in the newer houses]) and the garage door is down, except that they have this piece of wood down at the bottom. The wood stretches from side to side with the exception of a circle that looks about the width of a CD (maybe bigger), which has a plastic pipe. This development causes me to wonder what could possibly be going on in that garage. It really intrigues me. My dad says it’s a cat door. I don’t think of the duo as being animal people. I don’t think they’re all about the killing of animals, but I don’t think they’re into pets. Could be wrong.

I’ll try to write about Beetle Woman tomorrow. 🙂

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.