Some of the players in our story

I thought I might introduce you to various characters around the “Tennessee Valley” aka where I like in a segment I’ll call: “How I Met Your Neighbors (aka An Overactive Imagination)”

First of all, I will start the story off with a character who has been mentioned on here various times and I thought you might like an update. Satan’s Spawn and his family of minions have not spoken to us in a year. The only sad aspect of this is that the daughter of Satan’s Spawn is actually a delightful human being, as opposed to her rude father, bitchy mother, and annoying step-brother. For those of you who don’t remember Satan Spawn, this is the man who has threatened to kill our dogs, have us evicted when we were unable to keep our lawn within 1 inch of the city’s limit (8 inches high), calls the Community Development people whenever we go one day over the grooming standards for houses in the neighborhood to get us fined, and who we believe one day smeared dog…how do you say it without being crude…feces on our doorstep. Yes, we at this home are not fans of Satan’s Spawn, but we are very happy that he has chosen not to talk to us. Keep it up, oh son of the Devil!

We also have the wonderful people in my el-cheapo neighborhood who happen to own a Jaguar. Now, Jaguars start off at about $90k. These houses when they were built originally sold for about $70k. There is speculation in this house that perhaps Jaguar folks could sell drugs. We don’t know. We don’t accuse them of this, because clearly it is not as evident as Satan’s Spawn being the Antichrist, but it is something to wonder about. In our old neighborhood, the one with gang fights and all that, when we had a neighbor with an expensive car move in, it was obvious that they were a drug dealer. As this is a bit further south in Huntsville, though, it is harder to tell. People *can* have nice cars. It’s just suspicious.

A couple of days ago in “nearby” (if you can call all the way across the state nearby) Florence, there was a LOVELY couple who decided to remind us what Free Speech is by displaying several KKK flags. (KKK is Ku Klux Klan, which is a hate group. I didn’t think I’d have to explain this, but on Twitter some people use KKK without seeming to realize its implication.) They rent a house in this neighborhood in Florence, where they happen to have black neighbors. It’s completely legal to put these flags up because it’s apparently free speech. If it were to “actually harm someone”, they’d have to take them down. Well, this is another case of forgetting the emotional impact something can have on a person. These flags can not only cause non-Caucasian children to feel hated, it can cause Caucasian children and certain cable news anchors/commentators to feel inspired to hate. Isn’t this a detriment to the person or persons involved? Couldn’t we count this as a form of harm? If it harms the brain in some way, it seems like we could consider it dangerous and get rid of it. I know, I know…free speech. It’s a God-given right, which leads me to the great philosopher George Carlin:

“Boy everyone in this country is running around yammering about their fucking rights. “I have a right, you have no right, we have a right.”

Folks I hate to spoil your fun, but… there’s no such thing as rights. They’re imaginary. We made ’em up. Like the boogie man. Like Three Little Pigs, Pinocchio, Mother Goose, shit like that. Rights are an idea. They’re just imaginary. They’re a cute idea. Cute. But that’s all. Cute…and fictional. But if you think you do have rights, let me ask you this, “where do they come from?” People say, “They come from God. They’re God given rights.” Awww fuck, here we go again…here we go again.

The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument, “It came from God.” Anything we can’t describe must have come from God. Personally folks, I believe that if your rights came from God, he would’ve given you the right for some food every day, and he would’ve given you the right to a roof over your head. GOD would’ve been looking out for ya. You know that.

He wouldn’t have been worried making sure you have a gun so you can get drunk on Sunday night and kill your girlfriend’s parents.

But let’s say it’s true. Let’s say that God gave us these rights. Why would he give us a certain number of rights?

The Bill of Rights of this country has 10 stipulations. OK…10 rights. And apparently God was doing sloppy work that week, because we’ve had to amend the bill of rights an additional 17 times. So God forgot a couple of things, like…SLAVERY. Just fuckin’ slipped his mind.

But let’s say…let’s say God gave us the original 10. He gave the British 13. The British Bill of Rights has 13 stipulations. The Germans have 29, the Belgians have 25, the Swedish have only 6, and some people in the world have no rights at all. What kind of a fuckin’ god damn god given deal is that!?…NO RIGHTS AT ALL!? Why would God give different people in different countries a different numbers of different rights? Boredom? Amusement? Bad arithmetic? Do we find out at long last after all this time that God is weak in math skills? Doesn’t sound like divine planning to me. Sounds more like human planning . Sounds more like one group trying to control another group. In other words…business as usual in America.

Now, if you think you do have rights, I have one last assignment for ya. Next time you’re at the computer get on the Internet, go to Wikipedia. When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, i want to type in, “Japanese-Americans 1942″ and you’ll find out all about your precious fucking rights. Alright. You know about it.

In 1942 there were 110,000 Japanese-American citizens, in good standing, law abiding people, who were thrown into internment camps simply because their parents were born in the wrong country. That’s all they did wrong. They had no right to a lawyer, no right to a fair trial, no right to a jury of their peers, no right to due process of any kind. The only right they had was…right this way! Into the internment camps.

Just when these American citizens needed their rights the most…their government took them away. and rights aren’t rights if someone can take em away. They’re privileges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country is a bill of TEMPORARY privileges; and if you read the news, even badly, you know the list get’s shorter, and shorter, and shorter.

Yup, sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn’t give a fuck about them. the government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. It’s interested in it’s own power. That’s the only thing…keeping it, and expanding wherever possible.

Personally when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true: either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all.”

If Carlin is right and we have no rights, just privileges, then it is simple to take this right to display a flag that incites hatred down. Of course, if all else fails, you tell the landlord and they make ’em do it. Oh wait, they already did.

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.