Apparently, I was asking for a pity party when I told el radio dude (he should enjoy that since he so loves anyone Hispanic) the 13 problems that currently and possibly will always plague my life. I didn’t tell him for sympathy. I didn’t tell him for anything other than the opportunity to answer a stupid question. He asked what was wrong with me. I told him. If he felt pity or anything of the sort, that’s his problem. I don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel like a victim or anything. Ooh, I have 13 problems…I’m sure there are people who have it worse. Some of them may only have one problem, and I would rather that they receive the attention for having massive issues than me. I would rather sympathy go to people who deserve it. I’m just a girl whose parents decided to have a child and decided to keep that child even when my mom’s body was trying to miscarry. That was a sign that there were going to be issues. I don’t blame my parents for my problems. I don’t blame God. I don’t blame the devil. I don’t blame anyone. It happened. I drew a short straw. I’m not sad about it. I would love to be one of those people who could go through a day without pain or depression or any of that, but if I did, then I would be miserable. I truly believe I would be miserable if I had it easy. That would take the intrigue out of my life. That would be boring.
My mom and I kind of talked about this today. This involves some LDS beliefs, so it may sound strange. Basically, we believe in pre-existence. Before we came to earth, we existed with God (I know, I’m a bad Mormon for not saying Heavenly Father, but I will rant on that topic another day). Well, my mom and I have always joked that before she came to earth, God asked her what she wanted to do with her life. She told him everything. That’s why she was given so many obstacles. Well, I apparently told him that I wanted challenges. I wanted life to be interesting. I wanted to learn what it was like to be a human…not one of those people who is “blessed” with an easy life. I wanted to get down and dirty with issues and problems. I wanted to experience what it was like to be in pain or depressed. I wanted to feel emotions and all that. I didn’t want to be denied the opportunity to leave this life without having an idea of what other people go through. (Of course, I was also blessed with the whole stubbornness of not wanting to have a blessing to rid myself of any problems, which some of my YSA friends don’t understand.)
I know I talk about having problems a lot on here, and I probably come across as the most miserable lout on the face of the earth, but I’m not. I’m 100% at peace with my life. I’m not necessarily perky and happy. I’m more cynically content. I rant on here about being in pain or upset because I have to have some place to do it. I try not to complain to anyone offline, mainly because it’s hard for anyone to understand. Most people try to relate, and with some of the stuff, it’s just impossible.