So this morning, I only have like 40 minutes to be on the computer in the Honors Lounge because someone is having their baby shower. I hope it’s nice, whoever it happens to be for. (There is a sign that says the first name of the “victim”, but I don’t know her.)

I finally got my refund very early this morning. I promptly put some of it in my savings account and then spent quite a bit on a new laptop, which caused my dad to become quite angered. It’s not his money. He wanted to know how much of the money I spent was on software. I told him approximately $300, which is true, except when referring to the operating system. I actually got the cheapest laptop that I could find that would fulfill my needs. I tried to explain that to him, but he was like, “Well, they’re cheaper around here than that.” Well, that may be true, but a lot of times, the computer he’ll want to get is the cheapest one, and cheapest does not always mean that they are good enough. For example, my computer I got in 2001, it was nice and lasted me a while, but it only had 18 GB of memory before we put the extra hard drive in it. (He still hasn’t put that hard drive in my desktop, which means that I have to turn on a computer that literally takes 30-45 minutes for it to load XP, and 15-30 minutes to load any screens I open when it runs.) He got that one for $300 and has it in his mind that all good computers cost less than $500, including laptops.

I guess part of the problem is that I have a desktop that I think he thinks I should always be using. Admittedly, I have a very nice desktop computer, but it’s kind of hard to take my desktop to class to take notes on. It’s also difficult to use my desktop when my back is hurting so much that I have to stay in one position. So, my laptop will mainly be for school purposes, and for the times when I want to work on something but don’t feel like standing at my old desk for a few hours and writing. (I have to stand at the desk because the chair that is at said desk hurts my back quite a bit.)

I’m quite excited about this new laptop. It’s pink. There’s actually a mini-laptop coming with it because it was only $99 more and it was purple. It was more of an impulse buy than anything else, so perhaps I shouldn’t have purchased that one. Still, it might be okay for me to take that with me on the days that the other laptop is too heavy for me to carry. (Yes, it may happen that a laptop will be too heavy on some of my really bad FM days.)

What he doesn’t realize is that this money that has been bequeathed to me by the school and government is being used to fix his car, as well, so that it will be safer. I think it’s weird that when he came into some money from his disability that he didn’t spend it on fixing his car, but when I get financial aid money I get to fix the car. Doesn’t seem right. I also have to spend my money on the rest of my driving lessons, which end today FINALLY, and I have to buy groceries this week. This means that I have to save $1075 to spend on stuff that I think he should probably be paying for. I mean, I can kind of understand paying for the driving lessons, though I didn’t ask to learn to drive. I was perfectly content to NOT drive, as I don’t believe it’s safe for me to drive given my physical and psychological health and the medications that I take for them. I can also understand paying for my share of the grocery bill, but I feel like when I’m being asked to pay for this bill and that bill like we’re falling into the old habits of relying on me to take care of the family, which really makes me feel less than worthwhile. I end up feeling used, which I feel like I’m used most of the time, so not really different there.