Just when I thought my mom wasn’t paying any attention to the money I’ve been spending, she halfway confronts me last night. She asked me if I had a spending problem. Well, of course I do. I’ve spent almost all the money I have on stuff this month. I did almost the same thing last month. Of course, in her eyes, none of the stuff was necessary. I guess I didn’t need the new earrings, but they were pretty. I guess I didn’t need the books and cds and movies, but they were entertainment, which is necessary for a more normalized life. I guess I didn’t need the clothes…oh wait, I needed those. So, it is somewhat necessary.
She asked me if I needed help. Of course I need help, but I’m not going to get it. Not because I don’t want the help, but because when you go to the Mental Health Center, you only get help when they deem it is time for you to receive it, or once a month. Now, with a person going into one of their worst times of the year, you might think that that person might need counseling more often, but since they’re a public facility, they can’t handle giving one on one attention when a person needs it. And since being impulsive doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll do something deadly, in their eyes, I don’t get the help I need until I’ve blown all my money.
Do you know what I was told the other night? That I’m an easy read. Basically, you can always tell what’s going on with me because I express myself so well. I don’t think that’s true. The only person who is perceptive enough to get me most of the time is my mom, and that’s because we share a brain. My dad probably comes in second, but that’s because he has training with my mom. If you actually want to know what I’m thinking, you have to ask me. Even then, you’re not guaranteed that I’ll give you the full-on answer. And even if I did, it isn’t guaranteed that you were listening well enough to figure out what I’m feeling. So basically, I don’t think I’m as easy to figure out as he thought I was.
I need to take the movies back to Hollywood Video, but my mom is asleep, and my father is watching football. At times like these, I need a license. Of course, I also need to go to Wal-Mart to get a battery pack thing for my camera, and I would like to get a copy of the key to the house for my keychain. I can’t do those things without someone there to pay for them.
I need to fill out the scholarship application for the schizophrenia-spectrum scholarship. It would cover my educational costs for next year, assuming I don’t go to Europe. I have other scholarships I’m looking at for the possibility of going to Europe.