I’m almost done with New Moon again. I would have finished it already except I went to FHE last night and watched Passage to Zarahemla. It was okay, nothing to write home about. I kind of faked enthusiasm about it with my friends from church because they seemed to like it so much. It was basically a story about two non-member siblings who had just lost their mother running away from the foster care system in California. The brother was also running away from being in a gang. There was no cussing, which made sense from the point of view that this was a religious movie, but didn’t make sense from the point of view that this was a movie about two otherwise street smart kids. I rated it as a 3/5 stars on my 200 Movies list. So far I’m enjoying the reading aspect of this whole reading/watching movies thing more than I am the watching movies part. Maybe that’s just because I haven’t found any movies that have really piqued my interest.

I worked on my MySpace page today some. I spiced it up a little. The background and everything is still the same boring default stuff that comes with MySpace, but I don’t really care to change that right now. I just thought I could throw in a little of my personality. If I haven’t requested to be your friend yet, then let me know who you are so I can go about requesting on there, or you can request for me, but be sure to let me know on here that you’ve done so since I’m not always on there anymore.

Wow…we’re not watching Gilmore Girls right now. In fact, the TV is not on. I wonder how long we can go without the TV on. I left it off this afternoon so that I could read easier. It was still a little difficult with Willow constantly whimpering for her Mommy, but I thought that as soon as my parents got home her whimpering would be replaced with the sounds of the TV blaring again. Looks like I was wrong. Oh well. I love Gilmore Girls and all, and I don’t like missing it, but if it means that I can have some more peaceful time to myself to read for a little while, then that will be good.

Of course, I won’t have long to read because I’ll be expected to fix supper. I mean, it’s only fair that I do since my mom had the epidural on her back today. Even if she hadn’t, though, I would be expected to fix dinner since it’s practically become my responsibility. I don’t know what my parents would do without me. I feel like they depend on me too much to take care of them, and it really pulls me down. I feel like they want me to be an adult when they want someone taking care of them, then they nag me like I’m a child when they determine that I’m not old enough to be treated like an adult. It really messes with my already fragile mental state.

The hardest part about emotional abuse is the part where you think you’re over it, and then you realize that you’re not. I don’t think the abuse was even as bad as the reliving it part. It’s like his words will stick with me forever. I try to express to my therapist that the words bug me, but I don’t think she gets quite how much they sting.

Then, of course, there are the other memories, the ones that I’m not quite sure if I imagined or if they are real. The ones that have plagued me since I was five years old, but I haven’t been able to get them to go away. The ones that I don’t bring up in therapy because I don’t want the scrutiny of the therapist, who regardless of how I write this entry, I do like. It’s difficult to remember things that I’m not quite sure if they happened. How do you know what happened to you when you were five years old? How do you know if your mind was old enough to really comprehend the gravity of the situation? And does it do any good if you can’t put a face to the memory?

Break the Fast yesterday was pretty fun, except when it came time to be the lone Democrat in a room full of Republicans. I should be used to that. You would think that after growing up in the state of Alabama, that I would be used to being the lone blue voter in the state full of red voters. Still I look at them and I wonder how? How can you profess love for everyone and vote Republican? I, personally, feel that the Republican party seems to espouse what come out as hateful values much of the time, tearing the country apart by emphasizing our differences and telling us that we’re all doomed to some great misfortune because we’re not all living conservative lifestyles, even if some of the more conservative people in this world have liberal beliefs.

Well, my mom is ready to walk now, so I guess I should go. I have FHE tonight, but it’s just for the members of our ward. We’re watching Zarahemla. (I did spell that right, btw.)

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I’m sitting here waiting for my jeans to get dry so that I can go change from my church clothes into “normal” stuff for Break the Fast. I like Break the Fast, though I tend to be grumpy in preparation for it. (Don’t know why.)

I made pasta salad for BtF. It’s got mozzarella cheese and black olives in it, as well. It looks yummy. I can’t wait to try it.

I need to work on my confidence levels. I need to stop hearing my grandfather telling me over and over again that I’m not worth it, and just start believing in myself. When I’m with a group of people and we’re just being a regular group of friends, then I’m confident, but when it comes time to be with a guy in a couple-like format, I can’t help but hear my grandfather telling me that I’m not worth it. You would think if I was able to forgive the man, I could forget the words, but I can’t.

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Okay, so I figured I should answer questions before I go to see my grandmother at the hospital, where she was re-admitted yesterday. Okay, let’s see what inquiring minds want to know.

Ranee: Do you ever consider dying your hair a different color just for a change?

I have dyed my hair in the past, but the only colors I’ve dyed it have been darker red and brown. I used to want to dye it pink, just to be fun. And, of course, my real ambition was to be blonde, but that would reek too much havoc on my poor, defenseless red hair.

Jenn: What is your favorite nail polish color?
Probably purple. I used have this really iridescent purple nail polish that I loved to wear, but it’s since dried up. I have yet to find anything as pretty or as good as it was. I don’t really polish my nails all that often anymore anyway.

Jenn: What is your relationship status?
I’m currently single, which I’m fine with. There are plenty of guys that I’m interested in (one in particular that I’m really interested in), but it’s kind of hard to go up to a guy and say, “Hi, I like you” without scaring them away, so I tend to just stick to the friendship thing and have hope in my heart that there will be something more.

Jenn: What’s your favorite comfort food?
Hmm…probably granola bars. Strange, I know, but I just get this warm fuzzy feeling from eating them…

Angela: Any car in the world, what would it be and why?
Probably a Mustang in Bright Atlantic Blue. I’ve just always wanted one in that color.

Angela: If there was no limitations as to monetary value, what would you want MOST in the whole wide world?
A trip to various famous cities in the world. I would like to experience as much of the world as possible, even if I am deathly afraid of all forms of transportation.

Angela: What is your favorite article of clothing that you currently possess?
Hmm…my coffee pajamas are my current faves. I think I like them because of the irony.

Angela: What makes you drool with happiness over?
Random dorky stuff.

I was on Twitter, much to the chagrin of some people, writing tweets on the Election 2008 section about the Debate as it happened. It was fun. Some people said they had a drinking game going…I don’t know if they actually had a real one going, but it was interesting.

Did anyone notice that McCain mentioned a lot of places and a lot of people? It felt like a kind of compensation factor? Like maybe he was compensating for the fact that his running mate hasn’t been anywhere and doesn’t know many folks outside of good old Alaska…or maybe that’s just me.

I don’t think anyone truly won that debate. McCain was boring, and Barack was too calm. I think Barack needs to snap back some when McCain gets all snarky, and McCain needs to learn to shut up about his stories. I know he’s lived a long life, but we don’t need to hear about it all. If he wants to tell his story, write a memoir. That’s what normal people with elements of PTSD do.

My dad gave up on the debate a few minutes into it because he doesn’t like the sound of Barack’s voice. I don’t particularly like the sound of McCain’s voice, but I listened. I tried to, at least. I wasn’t going to change my mind about who I was going to vote for, though. I’m stubborn like that.

Now, Giuliani gets to speak for GOP after the Debate? But the Dems picked their VP candidate. Why not let Ms. Palin speak? Or does she still not have a voice? Are they afraid of her? After seeing her get the witchcraft blessing, I could see the basis for a little fear, but that’s beside the point. Oh, what does Giuliani know about foreign policy? He’s not got that much. He was mayor. I know, NYC has the UN, but most of the people who work for the UN that would have anything to do with foreign policy probably have Diplomatic Immunity.

I do have to give McCain credit for using the word “existential”, though he doesn’t use it properly, he did use the word. Anytime there is a philosophy reference, I smile a little smile.

Oh, I’m still taking questions about myself, which I should answer sometime this weekend.

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Please check out Save My Boys. It is vitally important to Jenn and her family.

In other news, I’m going to open the floor for questions that you might have about me, my life, etc. I haven’t done that in quite some time. I’ll let you post questions for as long as you want. I may continue to post other entries, but if you want to ask questions, I will try to continue to answer them.

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I’m starting the 52 Books/200 Movies thing early. I figure I can do it a little off, and just keep up with it on my blog just as easily. If you want to participate, you can start whenever you’d like. You don’t have to participate in either or both. Just do what you feel would be right for you.

So, I wrote two password protected entries. I mainly wrote them that way to keep some people from reading them. If you would like the passwords, please feel free to ask. If you’re on LJ, you’ll actually have to visit my blog at fuzzypinkslippers.com to read the entries since I privatized those entries. They’re very important entries, where I need feedback, so I would like to share them…I just want to have some control over who reads them.

I found out last night that I’m not supposed to watch horror films because of the badness. I just wish people could see the goodness in horror films. If you look at horror films, you can sometimes see that there’s a message of redemption in them, too. Well, that’s true in some of them, not for all. For example, you have to watch three Omen movies to get to the one where the message comes across, but when it comes, it’s pretty loud and clear. I think you can find good things in a lot of “bad” stuff, if you look hard enough. Maybe that’s just craziness or some kind of freakish optimism peaking through.

I didn’t ask Amy last night about going to Nashville in a couple of weeks. I’ll message her on Facebook. I really will. She just seemed overwhelmingly busy last night, so I figured it might not be the best time to bug her about definitely making the trip up to Nashville, especially since I have ulterior motives for wanting to go.

I started a tumblr account yesterday, as is probably evident in my sidebar on here. It’s janers.tumblr.com. It’s interesting. I’m not quite sure how I completely feel about it, but it seems pretty cool. I like that you can post quotes on it.

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