I basically got kicked out of the Social Work program yesterday. My meeting with my advisor turned out to be an ambush where it was her and the field instructor. I couldn’t find my cell phone, so I was stuck at the school by myself to be told all this stuff by them.
So why did I get kicked out of the program? Apparently, my mental health status has declined severely over the past 4 years. When I started the program I was “healthy”, and now I’m not. What they don’t know is that I was banging my wrists every day practically and going to crisis counseling because I was suicidal. They don’t know that I was seeing people coming out of the freaking walls every time I walked down the dorm hall. They don’t know that I thought that there was a camera in the smoke detector. They don’t know that I had my first visual hallucination when I was in Physical Science. I didn’t lie to them about any of that. I told them flat out when I filled out my forms that I had problems with paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions. And yesterday, despite my better judgment, I told them my diagnosis. Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. It’s not a death sentence, but it is might as well have put the nail in the coffin of any chance of me getting my degree.
My parents want me to be more proactive. They want me to fight back like I’ve done with IG, but I’m too tired. All I want to do is curl up into a ball. I feel like all the fight in me is gone. I don’t even feel like fighting IG online over his latest comments.
I’m depressed. Sometimes I think about suicide because of the depression. I know that would probably make some people happy. Isn’t that sad? A suicide would make people happy?
Speaking of suicide, I don’t think it’s right that the family that put up that fake MySpace page aren’t facing some kind of criminal charges in her death. They knew that they were dealing with an unstable individual, and they just pushed until she broke. If they can’t be prosecuted, then they should at least me sued for all they’re worth for wrongful death.
Ugh! They’re playing clips of Bush talking about nuclear technology. One should not be president if he cannot say NU-CLEE-UR. It’s not nu-cu-lur. There is only one freaking u. Bleh! Of course Bush is an idiot.