My Christmas was pretty good thanks to all of the people online and my family. I got:

2 Teddy Bears
Buffy cds (the original and Radio Sunnydale, I already had OMWF)
Mixed CDs
Gift Certificate from Amazon, Walmart.com, Target.com (with which I bought 4 CDs and 1 DVD)
Gilmore Girls Seasons 1-7
Heroes Season 1
$40
several books
a jacket I had to return
a shirt

I was really surprised yesterday by the 3 gift certificates in my e-mail from someone going by Christmas Always. It was so sweet. I don’t really know who they are, but they have my sincerest thank you.

Lately, I’ve discovered sites that like to rag on other sites, then they consider themselves to be the most controversial site out there. That’s just rudeness, it’s not all that controversial. I’ve visited actual controversial blogs, like ones about political things and I think that these sites have nothing on those.

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My mom is fine. She’s better than fine. She’s really good. I’m so glad. While she was getting checked out, the doctor took some pictures of her pouch from the surgery. It’s so little. When I saw it, I was like, “Mine can’t be that small.” She and I have decided that since I’m getting sick almost every time I eat that I should eat less, which is not to say that I eat much…it’s just with protein-filled things, they tend to take up more space. It took me about 3 hours today to eat some chicken tenders. Of course, chicken has always given me some trouble.

I’ve got to cook dinner tonight, which is not something I look forward to. I don’t mind cooking from recipes, but I’m not cooking from recipes tonight…I’m cooking from freezer and boxes and cans. At least it’s not a Hamburger Helper night. I absolutely cannot cook that stuff. Gourmet foods, yes, but not easy stuff like HH.

I got another book in the mail today. I have one that I’m waiting on that I ordered with money from my aunt. Actually, I’m waiting for a couple. It just occurred to me today that I’m going to have to prepare my brain to read. It’s one thing to sit and listen to music, but you actually have to have energy to read. I’m afraid that with my depression getting worse, I won’t have the energy to read.

I think I screwed up when I talked a bit about Second Life to my dad. Now, he’s on it all the time. I would much rather play the Sims 2. It doesn’t require interacting with people, and ending up in sex clubs. (Don’t ask.)

I really need to call Jenny. She was supposed to have a Christmas present for me. I thought she was going to call me for my Urban Society notes before the finals, but I didn’t hear from her. She might have called my cell phone, which was disconnected…and lost.

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It’s been like seventy degrees here today. Why is it so warm in December? I hate having to turn on the air conditioner because of the weather. I would like for it to snow. I would like to be able to cuddle under the blankets and just feel all seasonal, but no. I have to wear a freakin’ tank top and shorts to keep from burning up.

My foot was feeling better, but now it’s not. I tried a heat pack on it yesterday, but that just loosened it up a little. It didn’t get rid of the pain.

Final exams start this week. I have one tomorrow and one on Thursday, and I may have one on Wednesday. I need to e-mail DeLois and ask her if my film teacher said anything after I left class. I couldn’t wait any longer on Wednesday. I mean, my dad wouldn’t leave me up there, but he’d probably be pissed if I didn’t show up outside before 3:40, especially when my class ends at 3:20.

My aunt called today with plans for Christmas. She also wanted me to send her my list. I sent it to her, and I didn’t ask for chocolate. I asked for some CDs and DVDs.

Please, no matter who you are, or how well or not so well I get along with you, go join Celestial and post. I just renewed the domain, so put it to good use. I posted a half a gazillion (or so it seemed) challenges for avatars, themes, and signatures.

What’s with all the shootings lately? First, the one in Omaha, and now the ones in Colorado. What is going on with people? It really makes a person feel more agoraphobic.

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I talked to the assistant to the President of the University this afternoon. Before I can have an appointment with the President, I have to talk to the Dean and the Provost. I also have to basically accept responsibility for not being able to do a proper internship. He didn’t say that exactly that way, but he did keep asking why I wasn’t told sooner that I couldn’t do the internship because of my disability. He kept asking why I didn’t let them know about my problems, which is BS because I did let them know about my problems. I may have let them know TOO MUCH about my problems. I’ve never been one to not talk about my psych issues. I’m not ashamed of them. I’ve never felt any reason to be ashamed of them. A psych problem is like diabetes or heart disease. You don’t choose to have it. All you can choose to do is to try to keep it under control.

I called ADAP again today because of the SWK program thing. Hopefully, my advocate/lawyer will have advice for me. I need someone on my side.

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My stating that my mental status had declined over the past four years was not from my mouth, it was straight from the teachers involved. I don’t think my mental status had decreased over four years, or at least not severely. I think I could do the internship, but I also think that if my psychiatrist and the disability specialist think it’s best for me to split my internship, then I should be allowed to split my internship.

My mom and I talked a little about my suicidal ideation yesterday. I don’t actually want to die. I just want a break. It would be nice to be able to wake up one morning and not feel the pressure. It would also be nice to not dread waking up in the morning because I have so much to do the next day.

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