See, Hear, Feel 1

I’ve been having hallucinations lately and urges to cut and bang my wrists. I decided to go back to BUS for support. I’m also writing my memoirs.

I called my field instructor today, and she basically told me that it would be impossible to give me a placement for this next semester. She even told me that because I couldn’t drive, I was at a bigger disadvantage. This from the woman who told me that because of my anti-psychotics I shouldn’t learn to drive. AND she didn’t like my doctor’s note telling her I could come back. It has to have things in it telling her I can be in social work, follow rules, and interact properly. She’s just so…GRR!

I don’t think my psychiatrist will write a new note to the teacher since he asked me 10 times yesterday if I needed to be in the hospital.

I’m now on Abilify–15 mg in the morning and 15 at night. I’m also on 3500 mg of Depakote. That’s 7 tablets at one time. I’m still on my other meds, and my family physician put me on Cymbalta.

I think the Cymbalta is causing nightmares. I had a nightmare last night that my dad and my uncle got into an arguement and my father ended up killing himself. I woke up, only to find that I was still dreaming. On Friday/Saturday, I had a nightmare that I was in an elevator and there was blood seeping through the ceiling of an elevator. Then I found out that the floor above was bleeding. I had trouble sleeping after that. It’s weird, I’m a total fan of horror movies, but having the horror images visit me in my dreams is just too much. Then I have dreams with George Bush in them where I think the man is a good guy, and they don’t scare me. There is something wrong with me.

I joined about 3 months ago, and there still are no guys interested in me. I feel pathetic.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

One thought on “See, Hear, Feel

  • Marie

    I’ve been feeling like cutting my wrists lately too. Or just banging my arms with a heavy object. I don’t, but I was real close the other day, I don’t know what it’s like to have a physical disability, or more like chronic pain, but sometimes I think it’s better than a mental illness.

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