I’ve been having hallucinations lately and urges to cut and bang my wrists. I decided to go back to BUS for support. I’m also writing my memoirs.
I called my field instructor today, and she basically told me that it would be impossible to give me a placement for this next semester. She even told me that because I couldn’t drive, I was at a bigger disadvantage. This from the woman who told me that because of my anti-psychotics I shouldn’t learn to drive. AND she didn’t like my doctor’s note telling her I could come back. It has to have things in it telling her I can be in social work, follow rules, and interact properly. She’s just so…GRR!
I don’t think my psychiatrist will write a new note to the teacher since he asked me 10 times yesterday if I needed to be in the hospital.
I’m now on Abilify–15 mg in the morning and 15 at night. I’m also on 3500 mg of Depakote. That’s 7 tablets at one time. I’m still on my other meds, and my family physician put me on Cymbalta.
I think the Cymbalta is causing nightmares. I had a nightmare last night that my dad and my uncle got into an arguement and my father ended up killing himself. I woke up, only to find that I was still dreaming. On Friday/Saturday, I had a nightmare that I was in an elevator and there was blood seeping through the ceiling of an elevator. Then I found out that the floor above was bleeding. I had trouble sleeping after that. It’s weird, I’m a total fan of horror movies, but having the horror images visit me in my dreams is just too much. Then I have dreams with George Bush in them where I think the man is a good guy, and they don’t scare me. There is something wrong with me.
I joined chemistry.com about 3 months ago, and there still are no guys interested in me. I feel pathetic.