I went to the doctor’s office about my ear. There was no infection. Apparently, it was just my TMJ acting up again. He said I needed to get a new splint. Splints are expensive and I’m not exactly rolling in the dough. My mom called a dental clinic, but they’re not accepting new patients this month. My jaw doesn’t really even hurt anymore, so I don’t think I need to go get a new splint.

I had to go to the ER that night. I had muscle spasms all over my body. I mean, seriously, they were all over my body except my calf muscles. I was in so much pain. I could barely walk, so my parents had to call an ambulance. They gave me oxygen on the ride to the hospital, which helped even out my breathing, which helped the pain a little. When I got to the hospital, I had to wait in the ER waiting room for a couple of hours, which just made the pain come back worse. I thought that I was going to die. I kept coughing because I was having trouble breathing. I finally got taken back to a room. They started an IV and gave me Morphine and Tordol. They did a CT Scan and an X-Ray. Nothing showed up. So I was sent home with a prescription for Lortab. I took that, but the pain didn’t completely go away. I went to see my family doctor and he sent me to get X-Rays of my neck and lower back. All that that showed was mild scoliosis in my lower back. My mom thinks that it may be the Fibromyalgia acting up. I’m now on Percogesic (over the counter pain meds) and it helps some. The bad part about it is that it makes my mouth really dry. My mom wants me to see if my doctor will get me into pool therapy. She said that that helped with her Fibromyalgia.

I wish I could say that the A&M money thing was resolved, but it isn’t. They sent me a letter saying that I only owed $1600, so I paid that. When I went to pay it, though, they still had in the system that I owed the almost $6000. I told the cashier what had happened, and she seemed to believe me. I probably should have brought the letter in with me when I paid the money, but I forgot it because I was trying to get around this girl that I really do not like without her noticing me.

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I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been a bit out of it. I had to go see a heart doctor because I’ve been having heart palpitations after I take my Depakote. I would’ve just relied on the opinion of my psychiatrist, but he’s in another country, probably India. (He’s Indian and does go on trips to the country every once in a while.) My mom thinks what’s been going on is anxiety, but I just worry that it’s something wrong with my heart. When I don’t take the Depakote, I don’t have the problem. I’m still waiting to hear back after wearing a heart monitor overnight. I’m afraid it will be pretty bad since I had chest pains while I had the monitor on.

I have to go see my family doctor tomorrow. I’ve been having an earache and a headache. I think I’m just falling apart. I’m thinking about telling my doctor about another problem that I’ve been having over the past year as well. I have trouble focusing my eyes. If I look up, my eyes will get stuck in that position. It’s weird. It’s part of why I’ve been hesitant on learning to drive. I don’t want to look in a certain direction while I’m driving and end up driving into something or off the road.

I’m thinking of changing schools and majors. A&M rebated my loans so I can’t go back there until I’ve paid them nearly $6,000 that I don’t have. Apparently, when you drop out of A&M, they give back the money that you borrow to the financial institutions that you borrow it from. They don’t take into account that that money has already been spent on other things like food and shelter. I called them this morning, and apparently what they did confused the guy I talked to, so he’s supposed to call me back. They’re only open for another hour and twenty minutes. I doubt that they’ll ever call back. I told my mom that I’d pay them back in installments and transfer to UAH. It would take me another two years to graduate with a Bachelor’s, but at least I’d be finished. Then I’d have to go to grad school somewhere. I was going to go to A&M, but I don’t know if I should go there. Their attitudes don’t make me want to stick around.

Saturday is graduation day for my friends. It would have been my graduation day, too, if things had gone differently. It’s going to be really difficult for me to go see everyone graduate. I don’t know that anyone understands how hard it’s going to be. I want to be happy for them, but I can’t help but feel sad at the same time.

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