I have this new celebrity crush on Hayden Christensen. I gave in and watched the Episodes 2 and 3 of Star Wars, even though I truly abhor the series in general. I actually have watched them twice. The first time I saw Ep. 2, it was because my dad wanted to watch it. The second time and the two times I saw 3 were at my request. (The second times were on Tuesday when I took them to my dorm room to watch.) I rented Life as a House, Shattered Glass, and The Virgin Suicides last week. I loved all. (I already knew that I loved The Virgin Suicides.) Now I want to buy them, but I promised my mom I wouldn’t buy them until my birthday. I checked on Amazon.com and they were pretty cheap 6.99-10.99. That just makes me want them more, but I have to learn to control my temptation to buy things.
I started back to school last Friday. So far things aren’t so bad. I dropped Human Behavior II at the suggestion of my advisor and picked up Social Welfare Policy, which is a Senior course instead of a Junior course. (I’m a Junior.) I went to the class yesterday and we were supposed to have an assignment due tomorrow, but the teacher bumped it up since 3 or 4 of us were new to the class. (There are only about 10 of in the class.) So, everything is fine academically speaking.
There is a problem, though. Ever since last Spring, I’ve been having this nagging feeling (which is getting larger by the day) that I don’t want to do Social Work. I wanted to be a therapist. I wanted to help people. I still want to help people, but I don’t know if this is the right way to go. I want to be an artist. Not a painter, but a writer, musician, and actress. I know that those are the dreams of a lot of people, but they’re really what I want to be. I can’t change my major, though, because the thing I want to do most (act) isn’t even offered at A&M. I can’t change schools because I can’t afford the tuition at other schools. (I go for free because I’m white.) It’s like I’m stuck.
I talked to my dad about the whole thing, as well as a problem with my precog. dreams and empathic ability to know what’s going on in other places going away. He told me to talk to his best friend, but I don’t know his e-mail address. I’ve never met the guy. (My dad went to college with him, but he lives in Florida.) How do you contact someone you don’t really know and say “I want to be an actress and I want to be able to tell the future again”?
I’m sure about wanting to do the acting thing, but part of me is afraid of the psychic thing. The last true psychic experience I had was at 9/11 and it drained me and made me feel so guilty. How do you know that something is going to happen, but not know when it’ll happen or how to tell someone that it’s happening? If I told anyone that it was going to happen, then it would make me sound like a suspect.
Now I probably truly sound crazy, by talking about the whole psychic thing. Whether you believe in it or not, I know that it happens. I don’t necessarily believe that paid-to-be psychics are legit, but I believe that people can foresee what it going to happen. I know it’s true for me.
Back to the whole school thing. When I stay at the dorm, I eat lunch and breakfast in my room. I was planning on eating dinner, every time I’m there, in the cafeteria. My class on Tuesdays and Thursdays gets out at 5, which means that I have to walk to the cafeteria in the dark. That freaks me out for two reasons. First, I’m afraid of the dark. Childish, I know, but it’s true. The other reason is that I’m afraid to be out alone in the dark in that area of Huntsville. Other students think it’s safe at A&M, but they didn’t grow up in Huntsville. They don’t know that right across the Parkway from A&M is one of the worst neighborhoods in town. I don’t want to be killed or kidnapped or raped. I’ve decided that I’ll eat my dinner in the dorm. That will truly make me the dorm hermit.
Oh, since the fifth birthday of FPS is coming up soon, I was wondering if anyone could help me make layouts for the 5th anniversary. Any that feature Hayden would be much appreciated. 🙂