Worrisome 7


I’m one day clean from Tylenol. I have not had any since Sunday night. I kept fighting the urge to get up and take some last night. I hope it will be easier to not take it tonight.

“Val” just called to schedule my appointment to come in and fill out paperwork for my meds. My mom answered the phone, and I was hoping that she could deal with her, but Val refused to talk to her. Most doctors, nurses, etc. will talk to my mom, even though I’m 21. I know there’s the whole privacy thing, but anyone who knows me knows that my mom knows pretty much everything about me. They would also know that I have panic attacks on the phone and absolutely abhor using it. I especially don’t like using it with someone who isn’t doing her job in the first place. If she were doing it properly, then talking to her might not be as stressful, but knowing that she’s probably going to screw it up…it just makes me want to scream. She probably won’t get the form in for a couple of months, ignoring the fact that Effexor costs about $200 a month and Geodon costs between $300-$400 a month. I guess she thinks I can pay for those on my own. If I could afford them, I wouldn’t need to be in the damn programs.

I had another phone call today. It was from Social Security and it was my phone interview for Disability. The guy said they’re only going to count my disability from April until now. I would’ve thought that it would go back to 1992, but that’s just me. I mean, shouldn’t the date your disability started be the date that you’re disabled from? My summary from SSI says that I’ve been disabled since 1992.

My mom and I have to go pick up Gretchen from the vet’s office in about an hour. We took her in yesterday because she’d been throwing up on Sunday. We thought it was something minor. It turns out she had pancreatitis and was started to go into sepsis. She also had a snake bite that we had no clue about. So, the vet kept her overnight.

Due to the anxiety of Gretchen being in the hospital and my lack of Lithium yesterday, I had a bit of a breakdown last night. I just started crying and couldn’t stop. I guess the Lithium does work. It makes me feel a bit more emotionally numb. I know that that isn’t exactly something most people would like. It’s a bit of a relaxing break for me. My emotions are typically like a raw nerve, when I feel something, I not only feel it, but it nearly tears me apart. I can’t just be a little sad. I have to feel like throwing myself on the floor and screaming and crying for days. So to have this little pill that helps to make me be numb is nice. My dad said it isn’t a good thing to be numb and to want to be numb, but my mom understands how I feel.

I have to start back to school on the 19th. Classes start on the 18th, but my classes are all on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I won’t start until Friday. This does not mean that I don’t have to go up to A&M on the 18th, though. I must go up and wait in line to see if they have my book voucher. Hopefully they will have it and I can actually start the semester with books. Last semester it took a week or so to get the voucher, so I was without books for a few classes. It’s okay to not have books the first day, but after that, it isn’t a good thing.

I dread school. I have to keep a 3.4, which isn’t that high, but it’s enough to cause me to overstress. It’s enough to make me think that I’m going to get kicked out of school if I may a B in a class.

I didn’t get to see Tasha on Saturday morning. I haven’t heard from her in over a week, so I’m a bit worried. I hope that nothing bad has happened. No amount of psych meds can keep me from worrying.

Oh, and has anyone else been getting Hebrew spam? My comments on here have had some Hebrew spam recently, and it’s weird. It would be one thing if I got spam in another language that I could read or have translated easily, but Hebrew? Why Hebrew?


About Janet Morris

I’m from Huntsville, Alabama. I’ve got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She’s a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.


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