Have you ever learned something horrible about someone you loved? Well, that’s what the previous “password protected” entry is about. I want all of my regulars to read it, so if you regularly read my blog and want to read the entry, then please let me know by posting a response to this entry. I’ll e-mail you the password. After you read that entry, you can comment, if you’d like. Just don’t go away. I’ve talked about my grandfather being a bad guy before and scared “friends” away. I don’t want that to happen this time. Also, to understand the next part of this entry, you’ll need to read the protected entry.
Last night, I think my mother thought that she would have to take me to the hospital. It started with being reminded about what’s in the protected entry and then was worsened my dad eating the rest of the rice we had for dinner. I had to make more rice so that I had something to eat when I took my Geodon. He didn’t know he did anything wrong, but it upset me. So, I got angry, which typically comes before my mood just takes a downfall. As I was waiting for my Minute Rice to get ready, I sat down on the floor of the kitchen and just began crying. Everything seemed to be falling apart, and I wanted to know why things weren’t getting better. I wanted to not be afraid and paranoid. I wanted to know if what my grandfather had been involved with (protected entry) had something to do with how many problems I’ve ended up having or if somehow it made me bad or evil. I wanted to know if I could be good if I came from someone so horrible. My mom, who was awake, went over all my good qualities and she said that if I wasn’t good, I wouldn’t worry about being good. That made me feel a little better, but I was still paranoid. I get worse when I’m in the dark, so I decided to sleep in the living room with the television on so that bad things wouldn’t happen to me.
I feel better today, but a part of me is still scared. A part of me will probably always be scared.
Now, onto the “boring” stuff. I saw my family doctor last week and he said my B12 and iron levels were good. I was a little shocked about the B12 level, until it clicked that I had just taken one dose 2 or 3 days before the test. I don’t remember if I’ve taken any since then. I know I should take it more often, but I hate taking it and I hate to remember to take it. I told him about my knees and about a rash that I have on my finger (it started before school got out). He said to ignore the cracking in my knees, but if the pain gets worse that he’ll send me to an orthopedist. I already have one, so if I have to go to one, I want to go see him. As for the rash, it’s not a rash. It’s eczema, which I already have on my head and a little patch on my chest between my breasts. I’m supposed to get some sort of cream, but since my parents have no money in the bank, I can’t get it. Oh well, I’ve lived with eczema on the other body parts, so I’ll live with it on my finger. He told me if I use lotion to moisturize it that that should help.
I’m still obsessing over the whole Disability thing. It seems like no matter what I’m doing, my mind always goes back to that. I want them to make an informed decision, but I want them to make a decision very soon. I want to know if when school starts back I should inform my teachers of my problems or not. Technically, I should probably do it anyway, but I’ve always been afraid I might sound like I’m trying to be treated like I’m special.
Oh, and for my advertising page:
If you pay $2, I will run 1 468×60 banner, 1 100×35 button, and 1 88×31 button for 3 months for your site. If you pay $5, I will run 2 468×60 banners, 2 88×31 buttons, and 2 100×35 buttons for 6 months for your site. If you send $10 or more, I’ll advertise 6 buttons or 3 banners for the rest of the life of either this domain or of your site. These offers also apply to anything bought off my Amazon wishlist. (You have to let me know either what you picked or how much it costs if you go with the wishlist option so that I’ll know how many banners & buttons to advertise.) If you don’t have a banner or buttons, I can make them for you. Just let me know when you fill out the advertising form.