Guess who has the wonderful luck of having a hammer toe? Yes, that would be me. Apparently, I have someone “up there” in a bit of tiff to let this happen. No, I don’t really believe that. It came about last night after I got out of the shower. I sat down and my toe just kept curling up and hurting. I had no clue what was wrong, so I kept trying to straighten it. Finally, my mom got home and I asked her what was going on. She said that it sounded like a hammer toe. She said something about how it can be treated with surgery, which freaked me out, so I looked it up and it said that it can be fixed by wearing looser shoes. It can be caused by tight shoes or by arthritis. My shoes that I’ve been wearing aren’t tight, though. The other alternative is arthritis, and I hope that that isn’t true for me. Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis both run in my family, so it isn’t entirely impossible, but its just that I’m so young. I just hope its that the shoes were irritating it.
I absolutely cannot stand one of my neighbors. She’s about twelve. She doesn’t understand that when we say we have to go in the house with our dogs that that means that we have to go in the house. She assumes that when we’re out there, it’s okay for her to come across the street and stir them up. She gets them excited and then they won’t go in, which means she gets to play with them more. That means she gets to be a pain in my side a lot more. I try to avoid her, but this afternoon, she just had to come over and bring her dog, who is scared to death of other dogs, especially Xander. It’s so irritating.
I had therapy yesterday morning. It was interesting. I talked to Gulshan about my not liking to be touched. Her first question, “Were you sexually abused?” Okay, everytime I say anything to any person who is in a mental health/social services field about this problem, they want to know if I’ve been sexually abused. I understand that it is common for sexually abused and raped people to not want to be touched. I know it is pretty uncommon for non-sexually abused/raped people to not want to be touched, but obviously it happens. I told her about my theory about it being caused by Kristin C.’s torment of me. She said I was letting her have power over me and that I needed to not do that. She also said that in our sessions she’s going to touch my leg or arm to try and desensitize me. In a way, I hope that it works, but in another way, I don’t want it to work. I want the help, but I don’t want people to be able to touch me whenever they please. I know they do that anyway, but I don’t want them to have that kind of power. Gulshan told me that as long as I hold onto my fears of being touched, I won’t have intimate (friendships and romantic) relationships with anyone. In a way, I don’t mind that.
I was a bit upset after school ended this semester because I realized I had made friends. That might sound like a good thing to realize, but it upset me because I have tried so hard since Stephanie left to not get attached to anyone. When you get attached to people, they leave you and that hurts. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to lose another person I get close to.
I’ve been adding more content to the site lately. More about me, more rants, and more content (in the For You area) in general. I added 2 quizzes this afternoon–Which Buffy character are you? and Which Charmed One are you?. I want to make more quizzes, but I’m not quite sure what I want to do. So, if you have suggestions, feel free to let me know.
Oh, and on a happy note, it’s official that Charmed got renewed. Big yay.