I’m a bit annoyed. I received the following question on my Q&A page:
in my experiance the people who say they are crazy are in fact not,i havt the same diagnosis as you and tehn some and would be insulted to be labled crazy, what is your real deal? attention?
It has been a long time since someone actually decided to question whether or not I have problems. Yes, I sometimes call myself “crazy”. That doesn’t mean I don’t have problems. Saying I’m “crazy” is my ONLY way of looking at my problems in a light-hearted manner. My mom has the same problems as me and she’s called herself “crazy” all my life. I grew up learning that its okay to try to look at psychological problems in a different light.
I don’t call myself “crazy” for attention. (If you knew me, you’d know I don’t like attention. I’m not attention-seeking.) Trust me, I wouldn’t make up any of the stuff that I talk about in here or the things that I’m still too afraid to discuss in here. I wouldn’t want to be on psych meds or go through therapy if I didn’t need it. I wouldn’t seriously contemplate going into a hospital if I didn’t have a real problem.
Now, if someone else were to call me crazy, I would feel insulted. I would get angry and I would feel hurt. When other people say it, it has a different connotation than when I say it about myself. I also would feel insulted if people called me “psychotic”, even though its true.
So, my “real deal” is that I really do have the problems that I talk about, along with problems I don’t go into here. I really see, hear, and feel things that aren’t there. I really think people are watching or following me when they’re not there. I really do have depression and I really do think about suicide a lot of the time.
People can say my problems aren’t real all they want, but they don’t have to live through them. I do. I have to go through the pain and frustration and misery that are associated with the problems I have. Instead of keeping all of that bottled up, I talk about it on here.
Therapists try to keep me from calling myself “crazy”. They probably think that I’ll feel worse about myself if I continue to use it, and maybe I am degrading myself by calling myself “crazy”. Maybe I will feel worse about it, but how else should I refer to myself? “Messed up” sounds just as bad, if not worse. “Affilicted with madness” or “insane” don’t sound too great either. There are no “socially appropriate” ways to refer to yourself when you think about and see the world differently than everyone else. I call myself “eccentric”, too, and that’s about the nicest term I use for myself when it comes to my problems.