Trust Can’t Be Earned

On Wednesday night, I headed to the cafeteria at 4:00 so that I would be at the beginning of the line when it opened at 4:30. Getting there much later means you have to stand near the doors to the outside, which is not fun. Anyways…I was standing there and the guy who was at the very beginning of the line started talking to me. We talked for a little while, and he ended up asking me for my phone number at the dorm, which I didn’t know. So, he asked for my room number, which I gave him. He asked if he could call, and I said okay, but I really suck at phone calls, so he decided that we could just stick to talking if we bumped into each other on campus.

While I was eating dinner, a girl from another table came to me and asked me to join her and her friends at the other table. I joined them, but I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know them and because I just don’t really like eating with other people. Then, at lunch yesterday, another person came up to me while I was eating and invited me to a Bible study group. She told me that God had told her to come talk to me. If I had said God told me to go talk to someone, people would think I was crazy…of course, I am crazy, so I guess that wouldn’t be a bad assumption.

So, when the first guy asked for my phone number, I was worried that he might rape or kill me. I couldn’t exactly tell my roommate or anyone this because it would be seen as some racist thing. It wasn’t racist, though. I would’ve worried about the same thing if it had been a white or any other race guy. If it had been a girl, I would’ve worried that she would kill or hurt me. It’s just my automatic first reaction to people. When the girl from the Bible study group, I thought that she might be from a cult. I don’t exactly have regular reactions to people.

It’s not just strangers that I don’t feel safe with. I don’t feel safe with a lot of people I know. People who most people would just feel absolutely calm with, but I just can’t trust people. About the only person I feel really safe with is my mom. She doesn’t scare me. It’s amazing. She has a lot of problems (most of which are just like mine or worse than mine) and that should scare me, but she doesn’t.

My dad had an interview today for a job. I hope he gets it. I always hope that he gets the jobs he interviews for. He never seems to get them, but I always hope that he’ll get one. I figure one of these days he has to get hired for something.

I’ve gotten 15.5 hours of my volunteer work done. That means I only need to work 4.5 hours tomorrow to get my 20 hours for this month done. I’ll probably go ahead and work the full 5+ hours, though. I’m starting to get really attached to two of the kitties there. Their names are Abby and Aggie. They are absolutely adorable and so sweet. They’re sisters and need to be adopted together, but since Aggie is rather shy, no one seems to be keen on taking them. My mom and I both adore them, but we can’t have cats because Molly would either be chasing them or shredding them to pieces. (Xander would be in love and would try to convince the cats that he was one of them.)

Plugs: Cindy, Jolene, Joyce, Krista, Marina, Mel, Robbie, Stacey

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

16 thoughts on “Trust Can’t Be Earned”

  1. Wow, usually if someone I didn’t know would talk to me, I wouldn’t talk back to them. I mean, some random person ask you to sit at your table. Wow, you’re brave and friendly. I’d just be like sitting and like ugh.. me it’s okay.

  2. I’m okay with strangers, it’s actually people I know very well I get suspicious of. I think that they secretly hate me or that they are grouping together in some way to fuck with me. I try to keep it to myself and I usually do.

  3. I’m very skeptical of people too. I don’t trust too many people. I always worry things like that. You never know what a person is capable of doing.

  4. Trust is a big issue for me too. I’d be really paranoid too if I was in your position. But strangers dont often come up to me and talk probably cause I’m partly snobbish. lol.

  5. At first, the comments link didn’t work. THen I refreshed and it worked.

    That must be a pain to have to approve comments. Especially if you get alot. :-)

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