Anxiety/panic attacks are just lovely, aren’t they? Especially when they happen in the middle of classes. *sigh* I had a bit of a crying fit today, which started during Fitness For Life. The teacher was telling us we would have to do a walking program and learn about our resting heart rate and our “training zone”. Well, all of this made me realize something. For the first time since I was 13 (actually, 12, because when I was 13 I had lots of ankle sprains), I will actually have to participate in a P.E. class. Now, that being a fearful thing may make me sound lazy, which I kind of am, but that’s another subject completely.

So, why was I so freaked out? When I was 14, I was diagnosed with chondromalacia and was told not to take anymore P.E. ever again. (I had a doctor’s excuse to drop my 9th grade dance class.) My orthopedist had been leaning on me to stop doing so much since I was 13. That was when I sprained my ankles about 7 times in one year. Later that year, I broke my foot for the first time. I broke it again when I was 14, and yet again when I was 16. The big cause of my breakage of bones and spraining of ankles? Well, my weight, but also, activity. My orthopedist wanted me to lose weight, but he didn’t want me to do anymore damage to my body. So, I’ve been wary of doing too much since then.

Basically, I freaked out today because I realized that I’m going to be working out in class and I’m scared that I’ll get hurt. I’m so scared that I’ll sprain something or break something or that my knees will get worse again. I know I’ve lost 100 pounds in the past year, so it shouldn’t be as stressful as it would’ve been a year ago. I’m still worried, though, because when I first started spraining my ankles, I weighed around what I weigh now (actually less).

Also, I have a fear of P.E. teachers. I know that sounds silly, but I had a bad experience with my middle school P.E. teacher. She gave me a hard time about everything. She would tell me that every problem I had was due to my weight and my ankles being too weak. I swear, if I broke a nail, she would’ve said it was because my ankles were too weak and I weighed too much. So, now I have an aversion to P.E. teachers…especially white, female P.E. teachers. Guess what my Fitness For Life teacher happens to be? That’s right…a white woman! So, I’m majorly intimidated.

Plugs: biscuitbandit, Chelle, Chrissy, Cooky, Jenny, LinLin, Sorrow, StacyRose