This entry may be a little gross for some…

Lately, I’ve been having trouble eating things…It’s so weird. One day, I can eat a food and the next, it’ll make me sick. I can’t keep certain things down that I could keep down a week ago or sometimes even less time. I can’t eat within 1 hour of getting out of the shower. I can’t eat scrambled eggs without EXTREME pain. It’s all just so frustrating. If I keep this up, I won’t have any trouble keeping the weight off, though. Of course, I may end up damaging my esophagus. That would not be good.

I e-mailed my French summary quiz to my French teacher this morning. I hope I did well on it. It’s an immersion type course (where they fully immerse you in French from the beginning of the class), which would be okay except that its also a telecourse. So, it’s a little tougher.

Please, would some more folks submit layouts for the layout contest? It would make me so happy. I’ve decided that you don’t have to code the layout.

Questions and Answers

how do i get mouse trailers – I’d recommend doing a search on Yahoo! or a similar search engine.

HEY BUFFY! – 1.) The question form is for questions. 2.) I’m not Buffy.

Will you marry me? – I don’t even know you, so the answer would be no.

I think I have some kind of stomach virus. I woke up this morning and my stomach hurt REALLY bad. The thought of food makes me feel even worse. I skipped my first 3 classes, but I decided to go to Spanish. (We had another quiz today in there, so I figured I shouldn’t miss it.)

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he’s letting me go back on my Effexor. He offered to put me on liquid Paxil, but I know that the last time I was on Paxil, I was super-suicidal and the Paxil was doing nothing. So, I figured that mixing Effexor in with some applesauce in the morning will do me more good. Of course, I’m beginning to hate applesauce, but…c’est la vie.

School is okay, I guess, but I am so tired and exhausted all of the time. I don’t think its from the surgery…I think its from the lack of medicine. And I can’t just go back on any of my medicine. I have to consult with whichever doctor prescribed whichever medicine I want to go back on. (I have a lot of medicines that I was on pre-surgery.) It would be dangerous for me to determine the medications and dosages to start back on now.

I get to go see my psychiatrist on Thursday…hopefully, he’ll put me back on my Effexor. Otherwise, I will go seriously crazy…and I’m not talking about the funny kind of crazy. I’m talking about the severely depressed and anxious kind. The kind that kinda forced me to drop out of high school my Junior Year. The kind that sent me to the nuthouse that Spring. That kind of crazy is not a good thing…

I saw the nutritionist today…according to his scales, I’ve lost 5 more pounds…yay!

I took the quiz yesterday and I forgot 5 of the words (out of 20)…of course, that isn’t too bad considering that there were people who had taken Spanish in HS that didn’t remember 2 or 3 of the words. I have another quiz to do tomorrow. I think I’ll also have one on Friday as well…UGH!

Check out what I got from the Wysterian Awards:

Kay, yes, I used a French expression when talking about Spanish…I’m also taking French and I’m more familiar with French expressions. My father majored in French in college and has always (even though it usually annoyed me) tried to talk to me in and teach me French.

I guess I have a lot of Provance sites to catch up on…

Remember to check out BlogShares.com and the fps.com message boards.

Questions and Answers
are you gay? – No.

So far, I guess school has been okay. I’ve had one panic attack…I swear, I need my medicine back. UGH! Anyways…I have a Spanish vocab. quiz to study for this weekend. I think I’ll do well on it, but c’est la vie.

I’m tired and I just wish people would shut up! My head hurts and I’m tired of people constantly talking. I think some people just talk a lot to annoy me.

I’m sorry this entry isn’t any longer than it is, but I don’t feel like writing much right now.

Check out: BlogShares.com – You can buy stock in my blog…

Tomorrow will be the first day of my 3rd year (well, maybe 2nd and a 1/2…my first semester (Fall ’01) was only halftime) of college at Calhoun. Hopefully, it will be my last and I will be able to transfer to UTC. Then, I can work my butt off and get a B.S.W. (Bachelor of Social Work) and a B.A. in Religious Studies. Then, I can work for a Social Work agency, earn some money to go to Grad school with where I can first get my M.S.W. and then one day get my Psy.D. (Psychology Doctorate). Then, I can be a Child and Adolescent Psychologist. Okay, I’ve gotten off topic, haven’t I?

Anyways…in a way, I’m kinda worried about this upcoming year. It’s the first time I’ve had 18 hours worth of classes…once I had like 16 hours and I had to drop a class. Of course, that semester I had an English teacher that didn’t really like the way I wrote…until after I dropped her class. I’m taking Biology, which I dread. I don’t mind things like genetics and stuff like that, but chances are we won’t be doing that this semester, and I don’t want to take it next semester. I hate dissections, which we may be doing. The formaldehyde irritates my asthma (I learned this while dissecting a cow eye in 8th grade) and the whole process is just icky, and kinda emotionally tough for me. (I always think of the animals, how they had to die, and how in some way, by doing the dissection, I’m making the whole process “okay”.) I think there are other ways to learn about biology and anatomy besides doing dissection, especially with computers…there has to be a computer program to learn from.

I also dread the fact that I’m going to have to take a bottle of water with me to every single class. Some teachers may not want to allow me to do this, which may cause me to have to go to the Disabilities office and file a complaint…and I don’t want to do that. (I have to carry the water with me because I’m supposed to try to stay well-hydrated by sipping water all day long…)

I know I should just stop worrying, but I can’t.

Last night, I didn’t get to sleep until after 1:40 (I’d gone to bed at like 11:30). It was the 2nd night in a row that it took me that long to get to sleep. Then, when I get to sleep, I wake up every 30 minutes or so. Then, when I finally wake up at 8:00, I end up falling asleep for an hour. I’ve always had trouble sleeping when I was off my Effexor…even before I went on the stuff. I hope I have enough energy for class tomorrow.

I can’t believe how immature some people on LJ are. I was reading through one of the review “journals” and they were so clique-ish. It was absolutely pathetic. Then, when someone complained about the review they got, the people called them babies. It was crazy. I don’t blame anyone for complaining, since the reviewers were basically saying the journals sucked because:

1. The designs weren’t just like theirs or didn’t hold up to the trend of the moment.
2. The journals actually dealt with the real lives of the people who wrote in them.
3. The reviewers had stereotypes that they thought each person’s journal should fit into.

I had heard that LJ was a cool place, but I really have my doubts now.

So there was a terrorist bombing in Iraq at the UN’s headquarters? That’s really sad and disgusting. You know, I hate when American soldiers get killed, but I understand their fatalities a lot better. After all, America did go in and bomb Iraq, which killed and maimed not only bad guys, but good as well. But attacking the UN? The UN was against the war in Iraq, and the people at that building were there for the sole purpose of HELPING Iraqis. It’s one thing to kill a soldier, but this…this is something different.

Oh, and the people who’ve complained about the hard drive stuff. I know that some of you probably thought I was being whiny, and I was, but I had gotten the hard drive when my parents actually had the money to get it for me (back in May). I lost a LOT of stuff that I had moved off of my main hard drive. I had moved it off of my main hard drive *the one that comes with the computer*–the only one I have now–(which only has 18 GB) because it was taking up too much space. Now, I have some stuff back on the main hard drive taking up the space, which slows down the computer. Before the computer I currently have, I didn’t have as much space on any hard drive…I had about 100 megs worth of space on a 10 year old computer (which was a lot more space than the 1st computer my family had). That was after a 2nd hard drive was added into that computer. So, I’ve had MUCH slower and MUCH LESS space…but that was a different time and I didn’t need as much space. Now, I need MORE space. I NEED MY 120 GB DRIVE BACK!!!

–And part of why I was complaining about the 80 GB offer was that it would be a ripoff for me to have to downsize from a 120 to an 80, especially when I got the service/warranty package. SO GRR!–

Questions and Answers:

How did u get that awesome bg behind sarah and what is that cool font called? – Well, you’d probably need to ask Melissa for the specifics on how she made this awesome layout. I should know which font that is since I’m pretty sure I have it on my computer, but I have no clue…

How Do I get This Layouts? – This layout? Well, this layout was made specifically for me by the awesome Melissa, and I don’t know if she’d make layouts for other people…I think she’s pretty busy right now with her personal life…

where do you go on the internet to see pictures of fat kids – Um, I don’t know and I don’t really want to know!

what’s your farirate girl’s name – I have a few: Kezia, Zumaly, Tatiana, Ekaterina, Emma

do i look like avril lavigne – I don’t know you, so I can’t really answer that question…

anything on this site about slippers – No…

Some of my thoughts on the Kobe Bryant rape case stuff:

I don’t want to say that Kobe is definitely guilty or innocent. I do think that chances are he isn’t a rapist. Yes, he’s an adulterer, but so are a lot of married men and women that aren’t accused of rape. The way his wife has reacted at various press conferences and public events makes me think that the only reason that he slept with another woman is that his wife doesn’t really care about him. She seems more into the presents he’s giving her than the fact that her husband could go to jail for the rest of his life.

I’ve seen and heard many people say that he deserves to be punished regardless of whether or not he did rape the girl. I’m sorry, but if he didn’t rape her, then he doesn’t deserve to spend the rest of his life in jail (or even the next 20 years). Colorado has strict/stiff penalties for rape, and if he didn’t do the crime, then he shouldn’t do the time.

I don’t trust the friends of the “victim”. I think if anything, they are a major liability to her case. “Oooh, she’s so innocent and sweet!” Excuse me, but she also did a bad thing by sleeping with a married man. That doesn’t justify rape, if she was raped, but it does make me question HER character.

The prosecution really annoys me as well. They don’t want the press to find out anything about the 911 calls of the “victim”, yet they are more than willing to bring up ones that happened at Kobe’s house. Isn’t that a bit of a…I don’t know…double standard?

I think the whole thing is just…pathetic.