Nine more notes to go until I’m at 1000. Am I pathetic for keeping up with that? Must be. Nah, I’m not. I just find happiness in simple things.

I called JA again last night. He wasn’t home. I should’ve known that. I mean, what teenage boy is going to spend his first Saturday night after school gets out at home? Definitely not this one. Oh well…I’ll either call him today or tomorrow.

So, I haven’t seen troublemaker at the BB yet. I did see some posts from her on a Broadway board and on some soap opera boards. What is a fourteen year old doing on a soap opera boards? She has school and yet she seems to see these things EVERY day. Maybe she records them. I dunno.

I’m glad you guys like the new colors and bg and stuff. Remember, I’m still doing a makeover for someone else after I hit 1000 notes.

So, I never told you guys how my dr’s appt. went in B’ham. I’ve lost 6 pounds. The doctor seemed to be proud of me. The nurse and the nurse practitioner seemed to be upset that I didn’t lose more than that. I’d figured that I had gained, but I guess I got lucky. Well, I lost about a pound a week, which was how much I was supposed to lose. At this rate, though, I’ll be “skinny” in about 2 or 3 years. At least there’s hope, though.

Oh well…today we are giving away more piggies. It’s kind of depressing. Some of them we’ve had for almost 3 years. It’s really sad to let go of something you love so much. I know I must seem like a dork to let things like this get to me, but I just get attached so easily. I’ll miss them big time.

I guess that’s all for now. TTYL!

I went to HHS’s graduation last night. It was awesome. I’d never been to a HS graduation before. It was cool. I’m glad I dropped out ’cause I could’ve never gone through the stresses of getting in front of everyone. :\ I don’t know how I’ll handle my college graduations.

Anyways, except for the graduates, I only saw like one of my friends (Paige). I saw a few of my teachers in their caps and gowns. It was interesting.

My dad depressed me. He said by this time next year, two of the graduates will have died and that that will happen every year for a while. That’s so sad.

:::sigh:::

I sent the link to my friends. I hadn’t told them what had been going on in my life. In fact, I was kind of in hiding. I was ashamed that I had gone to the hospital and even more ashamed that my mom had tried to kill herself. Then, I realized…my friends like me for me. They don’t care that I have problems. (Well, they do care, but they’re not going to criticize me for them.) Anyways…I hope they come and I hope they don’t laugh too much at my life. I always feel like my problems aren’t as important as other people’s…even though, the only thing that separates them are that they’re different and they belong to me. I dunno.

Well, g2g.

According to one of the people who was in the psych unit with my mom, I’m possessed by evil demons or something. I thought it was quite funny. Actually, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Usually people either tell me I’m possessed or on my way to sainthood. I don’t think it’s either.

LOL…I DO know JA…we were chemistry lab partners in 10th grade and clicked as good friends. He’s the only guy (offline) that makes me feel good about myself. He’s just amazing. He always tells me how he thinks I’m pretty and smart and he’s just a major self-esteem booster for me. Anyways…he still hasn’t called me yet. I’ll probably call tomorrow and see if he’s okay. He’s probably just been busy with exams and partying and stuff.

I got my letter from UAH yesterday afternoon. I passed the GED. YAY!!! That means I can start to college, if we can come up with the money.

We will have to start cutting back on things around here…moreso than usual. Therapeutic isn’t sure if they want my family to take care of foster kids anymore, since my mom’s od. Well without the $800 a month that they pay us, we’re kind of…well, more than broke. Most of the money goes to medicines and doctor bills. We can’t just stop seeing our doctors. My mom said she won’t keep me from AOL, but we won’t have cable anymore…I guess that’s okay. I mean, I’m used to it, but I can live without it. I just will miss a lot of *NSYNC stuff. But if that’s what we have to do, that’s what we have to do.

Well…g2g.

He still hasn’t called. I’m nervous. He’s got youth group tonight. (I know, it’s pathetic that I know these things.) He should be out of school tomorrow ’cause he just has football and aiding, so he could call me…but I’m not going to be here tomorrow. I have my B’ham doctor’s appointment. Maybe I’ll see him tomorrow at graduation. I hope my dad takes me to that. I promised Terri that I’d watch her graduate.

I’m worried about going to the doctor’s office tomorrow. What if he says that I need to have gastric bypass surgery? I’ll be so scared. And it won’t be like my friends can come to see me, because it’ll be two hours away. I’m scared, but in a way, I hope he says that I need to have it. It would be an “easier” way to lose the weight.

Evil newbies are chasing Del off the board. They didn’t give she and I spoiler space for the Buffy epi from last night. She’ll be back in a couple of weeks. I hope she sticks around anyway.

Oh well, I guess that’s all for now.

She seems to be doing well…Thank God! I missed her while she was not here. I missed her while I wasn’t here. I’m glad she’s home.

I majorly screwed up last night. I forgot to record Buffy. It was like the season finale/100th epi/last epi on WB. I forgot to set my alarm clock to wake me up at 3 am to record it, so I missed it. I hope it comes on again. Until then, can someone fill me in on what happened?

I called JA…he wasn’t home. I left a message. Maybe he’ll call me back.

Nana came over for a while this afternoon. She took me to lunch at Pizza Hut. I binged. I’m sorry about it, but I guess it’s better than cutting myself. She took me to therapy this afternoon. Then, she brought me home.

Lilian had a hard time believing that Dr. Sprinkle made the correct diagnoses. She definitely doesn’t think I have Bipolar and is doubtful about my having Borderline even though I know I meet all the criteria. I guess she just never sees me in those moments.

My mom called a few times today. She’s been rediagnosed. She said that her doctor said she has chronic depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. (I’m a lot like her, aren’t I?) Anyways…she’s possibly coming home tomorrow.

Tonight, my father and I are supposed to go to the hospital again to see her. I hope today was better than yesterday. She walked out of group yesterday because the therapist was picking on her.

>:| Jenna called me a b**** in one of her notes. Am I? I thought since I’d gotten home that I had been rather nice to her. Sure, I’d laughed at Julie’s entry on the Oregon Trail game. If something’s funny, I laugh. If she doesn’t like that, well, that’s her problem. I’m sick of having to live up to other people’s expectations. So just screw it!

Oh well…I gotta go!

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