Does anyone really care what I do? You guys go and blast me for absolutely no freakin’ reason. You don’t even know me and I feel like the people who do know me don’t care anymore. Lately I’ve wanted to cut so bad. But do I really have anyone to talk to about it? No. My friends have been too busy. My family has been too busy. I have been too sleepy to talk to people on the boards I go to and lists I’m on. Who cares if I want to have a baby? It’s my body. It’s not like I’m asking for your permission. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I really want to see my therapist. I want my psychiatrist’s phys. asst. to get off his high horse and listen to me. These drugs AREN’T working. Lilian’s doing a better job than the drugs. She helping me to understand why I cut and binge. And you know what? It’s been almost a month since I cut last. And I’ve wanted to do it EVERY freakin’ day. I feel like no one really gives a s*** about what I do. And I don’t want a baby to make me feel needed. I want to give back to someone who I love and care for. I want to raise a beautiful child who will grow up to be important and special. I want to give back to the society that has been screwing me over all my life because I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or sane enough. I want him/her to have a wonderful childhood. I want him/her to not suffer from emotional abuse. I want a baby because I think I’d be the best parent for that baby. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go out and have sex with the next guy I see. If I wanted to have sex, I would. I would call up some guy friend of mine and tell him that and you know what? He’s probably say fine. That’s all guys want. They don’t want someone who knows Shakespeare or can sing better than most of today’s pop divas or someone who can act in a play. They don’t want talent. They want sex. That’s all guys want. And what do girls want? Commitment and sex. We want to feel loved and cared for. Screw that. No one cares. No one ever cares. Ugh.