I love that video (a little skanky, but…). It’s a good concept. Well, today I actually feel pretty. That’s weird. Normally I don’t feel pretty, as you may know. Anyways…I was gone for a bit ’cause I’ve been quite sleepy lately. My psychiatrist upped one of my anti-depressants and it’s apparently sedating me. It’s crazy ’cause I’m always worn out as it is. But anyways…I got one of the rudest e-mails ever today. I honestly felt sorry for for this person, but she just had to be rude to me. I mean, had this person actually taken the time to be nice to me, I’d have felt like I had a shot at being nice to her. Due to the personal nature of her e-mail, I’m not going to post it. It was quite sad, she’s lost a lot, but I have, too…so I could understand. She basically blasted me for having a wish list. Big freakin’ deal. Who is she to tell me that I’m not allowed to have a wish list? Everyone in the world has a list of things that they would like to have. She probably has one, too. She may not be as open with hers, but I’m sure she has one. I have a more personal wish list that I don’t let anyone see. It’s a wish list for my heart. There are people, things, and animals that I miss that will never be replaced. There are things that I know will never come true. I know that my depression won’t go away. I know that I’ll always know that I’ve cut myself 50 times. Those things don’t go away, even though I want them to, but I don’t wish for other people to take those problems away….I can’t make myself feel better and I really have NO over other people. OMG…all my life I’ve taken the time to look out for other people and now I get blasted for taking time for myself. Well, excuse me. My life isn’t just “smile for everyone and pretend like life is beautiful”. Life sucks. Get over it. If someone here or on some list I’m on is going to e-mail me and be rude…then, why don’t they just put their e-mail address up in the TO: section and send it to themselves. Get out your anger on someone else. I’m not your punching bag. I have been everyone’s punching bag for years and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. Honestly, some days I wish I didn’t care about other people. Then, it seems like my life would be easier. But I do care. I care too much. I want to give this girl who was rude to me everything that she’s missing out on, but I can’t. All I could do was tell her to leave me alone. I don’t want people with bad vibes on my space. Sorry, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles, people.
Anyways…so my great buddy Tiffy had her baby. Well, it’s not actually her baby anymore. She’s giving it up for adoption. Anyways, her jerk of an ex-boyfriend has made her life (and her mom’s and the baby’s adoptive parents) a living nightmare. And of course, I’m surfing the pain stream with them. It sucks. He’s even gone so far as to say that he doesn’t want to sign the papers. Tiffy should’ve just said that she had no clue who the baby’s father was. He’s been such a jerk to her this whole time and she’s been so nice to him. She even betrayed her mother’s trust to be with him and how does he repay her? He acts like the devil’s little toy. I just cannot stand that boy!!!!
Oh well…I gotta go.