I’m not really going to get into religion all that much here because I’m never good enough for any particular religion. I’m not Christian enough for some and too Christian for others. Oh well. I just thought that people outside of a religion might fall in love with someone in a religion. I mean, I know a couple (one was Jewish, the other Southern Baptist) and they made their marriage work. If you’re in love, religion shouldn’t matter.

I love that song. I don’t particularly enjoy the video…Britney is the idol of people who are so young…she doesn’t need to be parading around in her underwear. She shouldn’t be using sex appeal to exhibit her talent.

Anyways…I asked my former guidance counselor to come and visit my Open Diary. I hope she doesn’t get “icked out” by some of my entries. I mean, afterall, I never told her about cutting myself. I didn’t tell any of my teachers. Of course, there was that one person who was in a class with me that took a letter I wrote to her to her guidance counselor, so I’m sure word got around the school. HHS isn’t all that big of a school.

I miss my friends so much, but you would never catch me down in Destin with them. I am not in shape and I would look so disgusting in a swimsuit. I hate it. I hate the way I look. I always feel like I’m being judged based on my looks and not by who I am.

So, I’ve been doing research for Secret Sins. I hope that I can write this book without going crazy. I want to be able to get the truth out their about self-mutilation. People seem to judge cutters based on their cuts and not on what’s going on in their heads. They think cutters are some kind of sickos. Well, they aren’t. They’re just like everyone else. They just cope differently.

UGH. I depend on what other people think way too much. I should be ashamed of myself. I tell everyone else not to pay attention to what other people think and then I end up not taking my own advice. This can’t be good for my self-esteem.

I’m so worried about my poetry book because some of the poems are a little personal and I don’t know if I’m ready to share them. I guess I need to anyway.

Well, I gotta go for now.

So I was planning on riding to college with my friend next fall. Well, she’s going to be going to night school and I’ll be in the day classes. This is great. I don’t even know if I’ll have the money to pay for college and now I have to get another ride. Bleh.

I cannot believe all these kids killing other kids and hurting other kids or threatening to hurt other kids. It’s just wrong. It is absolutely sickening that people could do this to other people. Why can’t people just get along? Sure, we all have different personalities, but I believe anyone can be a friend and anyone can have a friend. I’ve learned by experience that being nice to people, you make friends. Now why can’t everyone take a lesson from that?

Ugh…I think there should be a mandatory law that requires kids to go through an hour counseling session per week. I really think it would be beneficiary. It could be a class. And they could combine art and music therapy. Kids could express their anger by drawing or writing a song or writing a story or getting a journal. There are PLENTY of good outlets for anger, but are kids using them? For the most part, NO! Ugh.

I just hate the thought of someone hurting someone else. It angers me.

When will I find Mr. Right? Have I already found him? Is the guy who I adore so much, the right guy for me? Why doesn’t he seem to like me (in that lovey dovey way)? Why does he seem to tell me everything? Why does he talk about how gorgeous other girls are and then tells me how much he misses me? Is that a hint? Am I just obsessing? Bleh.