I get online way too much. I write too much in this diary, too. Hehe. Maybe if I got out more, my diary would actually be filled with worthwhile stuff.
Tomorrow is my med. therapist appointment. I’m going to see if he can change my anti-psychotic. It’s made me gain 40 pounds, which for a girl with major body image issues is horrible. I’m also going to see if he can change my anti-depressants. I don’t think Paxil and Celexa are doing it for me. I’m still all in crying moods all the time. My mom thinks I should either be on Zoloft or Prozac. I guess that would be cool. My mom usually is right.
In a couple of weeks, I get to go to the “fat people doctor” to see if I can lose some of this icky weight. I know even if I was a skinny girl my life wouldn’t be easier. I would just look better in a mirror. Of course, I’d probably still think I look horrible. I would just be skinny. That’s all I want some days. I want to wake up and be beautiful. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m listening to *NSYNC right now. Their music usually cheers me up. It’s not working right now. I’m still in a bummed out mood. It’s like nothing I do helps out my mood. I’m always frowning on the inside even when I’m smiling on the outside. I wish I could be happy for one day. It’s been a long time since I’ve truly been happy. I need to find something that will make me happy and do it. I need to have happy days.
Well…I think that’s all for tonight because I am getting majorly tired. See ya later.