Some days I just wish I wouldn’t wake up.
Most days I just wish that the pain that I inflict upon myself would just go away.
I’m so scared sometimes. Scared of what? Myself! I can’t trust many people and I’m one of those people who I just can’t trust. I mean, I’ve cut myself and emotionally beat myself up so many times that I don’t want to even know me. I’m also scared of other things and people.
Sometimes I just want to take a bottle of pills and go to sleep forever or until my pain goes away.
My pain won’t go away, though. It sucks like that. How would you feel if your pain was constant like mine? How would you feel if you had to wake up and try to cleanse your thoughts of hurting yourself EVERY day? That’s my life.
I don’t think anyone has ever truly understood how I feel. I mean, I used to go to this board – GCD – and according to some people there, my problems were petty. No one’s problems are petty. I would whine and complain about how I felt. I told those people things I’d never told anyone else. Then, some of them threw it back at me like I was just some little baby who didn’t know a thing. One called me a “cancer” and others came up with other names.
Then, of course, you had my friends from that board. In the end, I felt like some of them didn’t really care, but that’s life. At least, that’s my life.